The winery where I work has a "junior internship" program where the children of the owner come and get paid to distract us from work and get shown around. The other day, I was inside an open tank I was washing with the owner's 13 year-old boy. One of the mexicans who works with me came over to talk about beer and we were discussing our love for Budweiser. The 13 year-old started proclaiming his love for Coors and I said I definitely prefer Bud. Then, Jorge walked away and the 13 year-old looked up at be in disbelief (he's only about 4'6") and said, "You don't like Coooors?"
I asked him if he even drinks and he said "Yeah. At parties."
Because I was afraid he was going to ask me to buy him beer, and I would say no and be deemed uncool, I changed the subject.
"So, do you have a girlfriend?"
He smiled.
"Do you?"
"Well, the question is ONE girlfriend..."
"Oh? You have multiple girlfriends?"
"I prefer the term 'hook up buddy' or 'friends with benefits.'"
Pure horror. EWWWWW. This child is my sister's age.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Work!
At the winery, the viticulturist is known for having a very low tolerance for people and refusing to repeat himself. Since I hate stupid people, I can completely sympathize with this and have decided to be on my best, most competent behavior when interacting with him because he kind of reminds me of Christopher Walken but more old-mannish and I am possibly afraid of him.
This morning, he decided he was going to take me along with him to do some vineyard sampling from various vineyards we buy grapes from around the Russian River area. I assumed I would ride shotgun in the truck and kind of smile and nod while he showed me how to pick grapes.
False.
He gave me my own truck, forgot something, and decided to meet me out there. By some miracle, I found the correct vineyard (I have the worst sense of direction ever, only getting worse by my reliance on my GPS - which I had left back at the winery since I didn't see any navigation coming my way). He met me out there, used some profanity - which always makes me uncomfortable because I feel like I've done something wrong, for example:
John (aka the viticulturist): Usually we have buckets out here but there's all this shit that Martin left out here. I don't know what it's doing there.
Me: - Silence, while holding back the urge to apologize profusely for the macro bins that are sitting outside because I washed them all last week.-
He needed to back to the winery again and told me to meet him at the next winery, even farther away from the first. I managed to find a map in the car but could not match any of the street names with where I needed to be nor where I currently was. I started driving aimlessly, and eventually found it. When I got out there, he showed me how to crush up grapes in a bucket using this semi-phallic stick that you have to basically hold at crotch level while swiveling it around and putting all your weight on it.
I'm going big places in the wine industry. Luckily, since I managed to find both vineyards and am adapting to the profanity (since everyone else seems to swear a lot, too), John and I are getting along just fine and he doesn't seem annoyed with me.
This morning, he decided he was going to take me along with him to do some vineyard sampling from various vineyards we buy grapes from around the Russian River area. I assumed I would ride shotgun in the truck and kind of smile and nod while he showed me how to pick grapes.
False.
He gave me my own truck, forgot something, and decided to meet me out there. By some miracle, I found the correct vineyard (I have the worst sense of direction ever, only getting worse by my reliance on my GPS - which I had left back at the winery since I didn't see any navigation coming my way). He met me out there, used some profanity - which always makes me uncomfortable because I feel like I've done something wrong, for example:
John (aka the viticulturist): Usually we have buckets out here but there's all this shit that Martin left out here. I don't know what it's doing there.
Me: - Silence, while holding back the urge to apologize profusely for the macro bins that are sitting outside because I washed them all last week.-
He needed to back to the winery again and told me to meet him at the next winery, even farther away from the first. I managed to find a map in the car but could not match any of the street names with where I needed to be nor where I currently was. I started driving aimlessly, and eventually found it. When I got out there, he showed me how to crush up grapes in a bucket using this semi-phallic stick that you have to basically hold at crotch level while swiveling it around and putting all your weight on it.
I'm going big places in the wine industry. Luckily, since I managed to find both vineyards and am adapting to the profanity (since everyone else seems to swear a lot, too), John and I are getting along just fine and he doesn't seem annoyed with me.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Our Dreamy German Tour Guide
I just got this facebook message from the dreamy tour guide we had in Germany:
btw if i had have no girlfriend i would have definitely make out with you :-D
btw if i had have no girlfriend i would have definitely make out with you :-D
More Service Person Joy
This morning I dropped my 2003 Prius (that I'm getting rid of the instant I get married) off at the Toyota dealership for its much overdue major service. The dealership folk decided to give me a Honda Civic for the day while they do god-knows-what to my car, which came with a new service person to explain how to operate the car - you know, because I've never driven a car before.
After explaining to me how to "control the temperature in the cabin," the service man escorted me inside the shop to check my driver's license. After inspecting my license, he asked "so, October 22 - would that make you a Libra or a Scorpio?" Is that a pick-up line? Am I like a light to moths when it comes to service people? Is this why all my previous relationships have failed? Because I keep going for guys who are aspiring to graduate college? This explains so much.
After explaining to me how to "control the temperature in the cabin," the service man escorted me inside the shop to check my driver's license. After inspecting my license, he asked "so, October 22 - would that make you a Libra or a Scorpio?" Is that a pick-up line? Am I like a light to moths when it comes to service people? Is this why all my previous relationships have failed? Because I keep going for guys who are aspiring to graduate college? This explains so much.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Service People Are So Edgy These Days
Yesterday, I had to call AAA because my brother left the overhead light on in my car while I was in Europe and my battery died. I popped the hood (as though I would have any idea what I was looking for, it just felt like the right thing to do), couldn't see any obvious battery (I have a Prius) and decided to have a male with jumper cables come work out the dead car issue for me.
By the time I got the call that the AAA man was outside, he had already hooked up the jumper cables (via my trunk) and had the paperwork ready for me to sign. He instructed that I go to the nearest Chevron station and have them charge my battery, "like a cell phone." As though I don't understand what a battery is.
He then pointed out that my car "only needs to last until you get married anyway, right?" As though I'm about to marry some rich guy who is going to buy me a nicer car than my family (from Marin) would.
By the time I got the call that the AAA man was outside, he had already hooked up the jumper cables (via my trunk) and had the paperwork ready for me to sign. He instructed that I go to the nearest Chevron station and have them charge my battery, "like a cell phone." As though I don't understand what a battery is.
He then pointed out that my car "only needs to last until you get married anyway, right?" As though I'm about to marry some rich guy who is going to buy me a nicer car than my family (from Marin) would.
The Stalker
Grammy just came into my room to tell me she is convinced someone is following her and that she's not just paranoid. She was walking home and we live across the street from the park and someone walked semi-behind her and when she slowed down, he supposedly slowed down too.
She got to the house and came inside and locked all the doors and the man is now laying out on the grass across the street but is blocked by a tree... "but he can see around it." She acknowledged that she sounds paranoid but she doesn't know what to do and every time she looks out the window, he can see her looking out the window.
I'm pretty sure it's nothing to worry about. She just asked me, "You don't have anyone following you, do you?" I don't. Because I have been in bed watching reality television all day.
She got to the house and came inside and locked all the doors and the man is now laying out on the grass across the street but is blocked by a tree... "but he can see around it." She acknowledged that she sounds paranoid but she doesn't know what to do and every time she looks out the window, he can see her looking out the window.
I'm pretty sure it's nothing to worry about. She just asked me, "You don't have anyone following you, do you?" I don't. Because I have been in bed watching reality television all day.
Bake and... bake?
So I moved into my new room in Petaluma yesterday. I spent all day yesterday unpacking and organizing my stuff, and then today I've been grocery shopping and running some last minute errands before starting work tomorrow morning.
Today, I came back from Trader Joe's and Grammy was in the kitchen making some sort of stir fry that she had started before I had left. Her tiny, six inch tall bong was sitting on the stove next to her and she turned to me and said "I shouldn't smoke and cook at the same time."
She had thrown handfuls of dried mushrooms into her stir fry and was waiting for them to "soften up." She took a bite from the pan and said "OH... That's not good," then decided to leave it for longer to allow it to get better somehow.
Today, I came back from Trader Joe's and Grammy was in the kitchen making some sort of stir fry that she had started before I had left. Her tiny, six inch tall bong was sitting on the stove next to her and she turned to me and said "I shouldn't smoke and cook at the same time."
She had thrown handfuls of dried mushrooms into her stir fry and was waiting for them to "soften up." She took a bite from the pan and said "OH... That's not good," then decided to leave it for longer to allow it to get better somehow.
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