Showing posts with label Stoned Grandparents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stoned Grandparents. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Long time, no see

I've been MIA for a little while now, but nothing too interesting has been going on. I've just been working a ton but harvest is finally winding down and I'm getting a little more time to myself. This last weekend was my birthday so I went to Bridge School Benefit at Shoreline with Courtney, here's a picture of Mumford & Sons (who were amazing):


Now I have a week day off (always a bad sign for employment, that means things are REALLY winding down), and I'm getting some much-needed down time in. Took Daisy to the park today:

A Sunmaid Daisin, if you will.

Lately, I've been working constantly and Grammy gets really worried if I go get beers after work or something and calls me and leaves these inane messages. Here a transcription of a message I got last night:

"Hillary, if you get this message tonight, it's almost 9 o'clock now. Um. If you get it tonight, give me a call. Sometime. 'Cause I'm kinda worried... where you are. Or if you got kidnapped. I'll talk to you later."

That's pretty much everything going on over on this end. Hope you all are well and in case you were concerned, I have not been kidnapped.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Keys

Grammy lost her keys while I was abroad and had to have my 10 lb bike lock cut from my bike (she had my key in case anything went awry and she needed to move the bike). She has called me multiple times to tell me that she now has found the keys, months after replacing them.

I'm sitting in the living room because my deadbeat brother is crashing in my room, and Grammy just came in to tell me, "Hey Hillary, I found my keys!" I'm starting to think a full time job and my own place wouldn't be the worst thing. It would make evicting my brother much easier. Every time I mention his going back to Chico, Grammy just stares off into space and says "Oh, I liiiiike him."

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Grammy

I'm back in Petaluma for the first day and I already have some awesome Grammy quotes for you:

Grammy: "Well, yesterday I ran down to Grocery Outlet, and then ran all the way back. Well, walked and ran."
Me: "Wait, you actually RAN, like on a run?"
Grammy: "Yeah, I bought ice cream and it would have melted if I walked all the way back."
Me: "Sorry, I'm just trying to wrap my head around this visual of you and Daisy carrying a bunch of ice cream and running back from Grocery Outlet."
Grammy: "And today this homeless man was walking by and he was admiring Daisy and I ended up talking to him for like thirty minutes about his life and what he does"
Me: "And how was that? Boring?"
Grammy: "No, he's homeless. Like, he doesn't have a home. Well, he has a home down in San Jose, but he's homeless up here. He's like homeless here, and he really liked Daisy. And I, just, I found it interesting that he was hoooomeless, he looked homeless, he had this big dangling earring, and scraggly hair and a plastic bag on his back, and he was obviously homeless. (Laughs) Yeah, and he admired my buddha that I had out front. The homeless always admire my buddha. The one someone tried to steal and dropped and the head fell off?"
(long pause)
Grammy: "I'm gonna go in my room and pray, so she can't come in either." (points at Daisy, closes door)

Stay tuned.

Friday, December 31, 2010

The Socks

Before Petaluma, Grammy lived in Sea Ranch in the far northern California coast. While living there, she worked as a massage therapist a couple days a week and spent the rest of her time volunteering at "Pay 'n Take" - a salvation army-esque establishment where people drop off crap they don't want anymore and then strangers come and pay less than a dollar for it. While working there, Grammy adopted every product that passed through the door that may ever have any use for any person. Some people might call this a hoarder. She owns no clothing she has purchased - it is all used from Pay 'n Take.

When I first started working at the winery, I needed new socks to wear with my hiking boots so I ordered some online. When they arrived, Grammy pointed out that she has LOTS of socks from Pay 'n Take and insisted on giving me a pair. I'm totally disgusted by the idea of wearing a stranger's socks. It's like underwear - you just want your own. Grammy wouldn't take them back and insisted I just hang on to them at least so I threw them into the bottom of my sock drawer.

I am completely neurotic about having things I don't need. These socks really bothered me. They popped up to the top of my drawer whenever I needed a pair and obscured my view of the rest of my socks. They were gross, they looked really dirty, and I wanted them out. So, I threw one away on the off chance that Grammy ask why her socks are in the trash. The other sock somehow ended up partially in my backpack while going home one weekend or something, because I found it in my car between the passenger seat and the door. When I noticed it, I was somewhere without a trash can or something and left it there.

Weeks later, I was taking Daisy somewhere and Grammy followed us out to the car. When I opened it to put whatever I was carrying into the front seat, the sock was there staring at us. It didn't even occur to me that Grammy had given me the sock - and she pointed at it and asked "You know where I found that other sock?." Long pause paired with a completely oblivious look. "In the trash can."

So I said "Oh, I think I was sure I had lost it's pair because I didn't know it was here and so I threw it out."

A few days go by and she brings me the grey sock (not the one from my car) and says "Here, do you know where I found this? I found it in the trash. Not the kitchen trash but the trash outside."

"Huh. Weird"

Ok, so let's recap here - she forced me to take a pair of used socks that she got for free. Then, she DUG THROUGH THE TRASH. I think this is the most disturbing part of this story. That is what homeless people do. Then she took out something from the trash, washed it, and now expects me to wear it on my feet. Then she completely forgot that she had already had this conversation with me, because with most things, Grammy struggles to remember what happened. However, the one thing she can actually track and remember and follow through on and is digging through the trash for a used sock and washing it and keeping it, unaware that it's pair even existed.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Grandpa Carl Continued

Oh, and he took at least a quarter of a pound with him for a friend.

Grandpa Carl

When my grandmother graduated high school, she wanted to move out of her parents' house but didn't have enough money for college and didn't have a boyfriend to marry her. So, one of her friends said "Well, I'll marry you." They had never even kissed, but she agreed, and that's how she and my grandfather met (from whom she is currently divorced, and he is remarried to a Japanese woman and living in Thailand). Twice a year, Grandpa Carl comes back to the US and visits a couple of his kids.

Apparently, it's that time of year, and today he came up to Petaluma to visit my grandmother and me and make sure that our life philosophies are creative and healthy and that we are doing well. He had cut off his ponytail since his last visit and has started to grow a beard. Also, he survived bladder cancer and now has an external bladder which he is quick to show off and make jokes about. As in, "I'm a 1938 Carl, and some parts have had to be replaced."

To avoid any legality issues, I'm going to point out that there is emphasis in my blog, and it is partially embellished/fictional.

Last week, Grammy went out to the coast to visit some friends and returned with a pound of marijuana. She has been practically losing sleep wondering how she's going to get rid of it since she doesn't smoke enough to burn through an entire pound, and does not have friends who smoke she can give it away to. Luckily, my grandfather is visiting and she was hoping to pawn some off on him, as they spent their earlier years tripping on acid together and were caught smoking pot in my parents' basement when I was in elementary school during Thanksgiving dinner. My mother was not pleased.

While here, my grandfather sat around the house with us for a couple hours and at one point he and my grandmother were talking about how old they were, and how they are coping with dying. My grandfather even referenced Tuesdays With Morrie, a New York Times bestseller which I have read but mostly write off as cheesy and unrealistic, only interesting because it is one of the only pieces of popular literature that deals with death. It's interesting for me to think that these people have known each other since high school, and have gone through almost an entire life - partially together - and can still sit down and check up on each other even though they are both remarried (or redivorced in Grammy's case).

Grandpa Carl usually crosses a comfort line to some extent, at the dinner table referencing a grandchild's sex life or asking a high school aged family member about which drugs are available to him through his immediate group of friends. Granted, the visit isn't over yet and we still are going to see a movie with my mother tonight, but so far the first portion of this visit was pleasant and thought-provoking and much more comfortable than usual.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

One Sick Puppy

Today, I had to give my mom a ride from Petaluma to Novato because she needed to drop a car off at the mechanic. She and I decided to grab lunch beforehand and got a call from Grammy saying that Daisy threw up. My mom told her we would be home in twenty minutes, then immediately hung up the phone and said "God, she's so annoying. How does she have friends?"

After taking my mom to Novato, Daisy threw up again several hours later. Grammy decided she needed to call the free clinic where we get the dog's shots to figure out what is wrong with her. I'm now sitting in my room listening to Grammy have a thirty minute phone call with the clinic receptionist about how Daisy "threw up big."

Friday, September 17, 2010

The Kong

Grammy and I went to Petco today to get Daisy some puppy shampoo since she smells and ended up getting her a new toy. We decided to get her a Kong to combine her two favorite things: food and toys.

Grammy keeps referring to the kong as "the bong." She doesn't realize she's saying the wrong name.